I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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