i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need a burrito and a hug.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
