I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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