Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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