question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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