I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
