wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
