you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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