so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
