A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
