I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
