next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
