This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How external is "for external use only"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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