perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
