Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nutella sex= disaster
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
