I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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