this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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