hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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