my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
