Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
