her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize