honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
