On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
