i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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