Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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