I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
