if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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