No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize