well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
