new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
