just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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