Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
