Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize