I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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