I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
