like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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