if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize