he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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