ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
