i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
