Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
