Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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