ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As shirtless as possible
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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