Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
