so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
