ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
