Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
