i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
