ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
