maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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