I didn't shave. On purpose
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
