I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
