Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
