Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
