i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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