Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I came so hard my ears popped.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
