i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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