Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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