Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
