Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize