Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
