FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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