Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
