On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
