roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
