I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
