so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
