I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
