im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
