I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
