The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
