is your mom at the bar?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BRING THE BAGELS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
