also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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