I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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