just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
