she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
