She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
