Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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