He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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