When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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